Catharsis

Catharsis is defined by Merriam Webster as: "purification or purgation of the emotions, primarily through art" and "a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension." I find this to be a particularly apt word for describing the run of my emotions today.

I have a memorial tattoo of a sugar skull surrounded by marigolds to which I add a flower every time a loved one passes away. While I still ache for my departed family, I have found some measure of solace in the tattoo process. My Great Aunt Neta passed away a week ago today, on my parents' 37th wedding anniversary. It was unexpected.

We were a tight knit family when I was growing up, so Aunt Neta and her husband (one of my paternal grandfather's brothers), Charles, were always around. The thing I remember best about Neta was her laugh. She had one of those joyous, infectious, completely unselfconscious cackling giggles that transforms the face into a ball of glowing, pink, squint-eyed mirth. I can hear it even now when I think about it. 

One time when we were all over at their house for one visit or another, Aunt Neta cooked her famous chicken and dumplings and gave us all the best laugh we'd had in a while. The chicken and dumplings were a simple affair, just chicken, dumplings, seasoning, and thick, hearty broth. We were all tucking in to healthy portions when my dad stirred his spoon around in his bowl as though questing for something. He looked up after fishing around for a few minutes and asked me covertly if I had any chicken in mine. I performed the same careful search in mine and replied that I did not. It turned out that Neta had cooked her chicken and dumplings as usual, only she had forgotten the chicken and nobody noticed until well into their first or second helping. She was embarrassed, but clearly none of us cared. Every time she cooked that dish from then on, we always teased her, one by one, about making sure she added chicken.

Now, just a week after her death, thinking about Aunt Neta brings me a nostalgic, sweet heartache. It isn't so acute and raw as it was just this morning.  It's as if the pain of getting my tattoo updated with a marigold just for her helped to release a little of the ache in my heart. Today was all about catharsis: release of intense feeling through art.